After having the biggest surprise yesterday for my 21st birthday, I've been overwhelmed by many thoughts. Some of these are thoughts of appreciation and feeling fortunate and blessed to be in the midst of a wonderful crowd of people - family and friends alike. Others are thoughts of contemplation and reflection: looking back at my life and realizing God's hand in every moment of it leading up to where I am now.
For the former, I think I've said much already (in my trademark lengthy whatsapp messages) and I'm grateful for all of you whom I consider family. Thank you for making this birthday so special and meaningful. Each and every one of you are important and special to me.
As for the latter, I think I will pen them here in short, anecdotal form. Disclaimer: everything said here is from and only from my own experiences. So here we go:
5 Truths of Life I Learnt on My 21st
The path that I'd walk to where I am now wasn't an easy one. Wherever I went in life, be it in school or social groups, I never felt accepted nor did I feel belonged to anywhere. In fact, I had my fair share of betrayal, isolation and ostracizing; to which I used to feel bitter about. I suppose knowing pain allowed myself to relate to others who are in similar situations better, it somehow became part of me to reach out to people who felt out of place, alone, hurt, you name it. Perhaps it was because I was so adamant about reaching out to people and binding people together, that some friendships still remain and I guess, looking back, I did have some part to play in them. And what I realized is that when you live your life, placing all that's important to be the things of others, people come to value you as well. I think that's the beauty of human relationships: to be able to show love and to feel love.
Don't go about seeking love from others. Love others first, and you'll find love seeking you.
When I found a community that I finally feel belonged to, I found myself so in-adept at loving others. I realized how self-centered I could be, and how little I cared for others. I owe much of the growth in this area to the Word of God, for it is by the cross that I was taught to love. I was taught how denying myself could be so important to living for others. To live for someone else was to die to oneself, like a mustard seed dying so that it can grow into the mustard tree that gives shade and shelter to others. Of course, this is one of the toughest lessons to learn and it does not come without much suffering, pain, disillusionment and discouragement. However, the choice to learn to live for others is one that can lead to much growth.
I've yet to see a man grow from an easy experience. Inspired? Yes. Grow? No. It is in our lowest points that our character is molded.
In the journey of forging close relationships, there'll always be hurt, difference in expectations, disappointments, you name it. After all, when you're closer together like family, it's so much easier to step on one another's toes. That's probably why the people who hurt you most are the ones closest to you - you'd expect more from someone closer. I think that was what I struggled with. Through times of loneliness and disillusionment to how friends only 'come and go'; through times when I felt no one would be too bothered if I wasn't around anymore, I guess I've learnt to look beyond these feelings of doubt and obscurity and to embrace the difficulties of building a community, yet staying positive and hopeful of the relationships that are being built.
If you haven't been defeated, crushed, torn apart, discouraged, hurt, humiliated, misunderstood, or at least had a change of heart; then you haven't truly grown.
Through chats, cards, messages and kind words, I've learnt that people do appreciate my effort in building the community. I guess, however, there is a sad reason for that - which I have posted previously not too long ago. But hearing how the small things I do (which really isn't much) help to make the group livelier and comfortable or provide enjoyable avenues for fellowship pretty much give me the sense of fulfillment in the things I do. Whether it be hosting card/board games for others, making lame jokes at the dinner table, playing the fool in group settings or organizing something fun, I guess the love for making others feel belonged drives me to always want to do more.
If you are building a community that is as big as yourself, you are not building a community.
Walk firmly in your God-given path. Even if you don't get to where you'd like to be, you'll have many others walking beside you.
That pretty much sums up the few important lessons I've learnt in my transition into adulthood. Though I can't boldly claim to be an adult myself yet (I still find myself lacking in many ways; plus, I like the term 'young adult' haha), I'm still in the process of learning and growing in God every day. I'm thankful that this journey, albeit rocky here and there, has given flavour to my world. I'm forever indebted to God and His grace for all that has happened and is happening in my life. I can only imagine and look forward to the brightest, most awesome community that is the Kingdom of Heaven!
Cheers,
Matt
