The Sad Truth Behind My Enthusiasm

Hi all,

This post will be particularly more heartfelt as I talk about some of the things I feel which will hit home for me, perhaps even for some of you reading this. If you are able to relate to this, then take heart in the fact that you are not alone in your experience. 

Ever wonder why some people continue doing what they do, even if everyone else can see that it is not worth the effort? 

Don't they see that their efforts will hardly make a difference? Do they know that they are wasting their time?

That was what people used to say about me. When I joined the student council back in my JC days, there were quite a number of people discouraging me in an attempt to 'avoid wasting my time'. They told me things like "It's not worth it, people will not appreciate you" or "Nothing that council does makes a difference". Of course, being the overly optimistic person I am, I ignored these comments and went with my heart, all ready to make a difference in the school. It did not take long for me to become disillusioned. I became aware that to actually make a difference, the people have to change - and that was something I could not change. Hear me out for a moment here:

You see, there is no such thing as a perfect community or organisation. There are always problems waiting to be resolved. Yet, the two main types of people that I observe are: 1) those that turn a blind eye to these problems and pretend that everything is fine; and 2) those who tried to resolve these problems but give up eventually because no one else is interested in resolving them.

The former does what is easy: it fits into the norm because everyone else is doing it. If other's aren't too bothered about these issues, why should you? Besides, bringing up problems within a community will only cause others to dislike you for being a wet blanket.

The latter does what is ideal initially; but due to discouragement and lack of results, overtime, they too start to realize that they have been too idealistic to want to bring about the change that they wanted to see. They start to see no point in putting in the extra hours and effort if no one else was going to. "Why am I always the one taking the initiative" becomes the perennial question. And I have been in this exact situation too often in my life, I started to lose my direction. 

I know I'm not the only one, there are many others whom I have spoken to who share the same sentiments; and its extremely sad that these people, who used to be so full of energy, passion and dedication to their ideals, have become drained, uninterested and lethargic overtime, simply because of the inherent problems of the community. I grieve for these people, because I know how it feels like to give your all and yet, receive nothing but disillusionment and a sense of hopelessness and despair.

Unfortunately, I feel this way too, at times, even in my own church. I am fully aware of the problems within the community, both as a whole and within the community of young people. While serving, I started to question myself: "Why are those volunteering to serve and helping out the same few people?" I saw a repeat of what I have been trying to do in various stages of my life: me and a few others trying to evoke change for the better in a community but burning out eventually due to the lack of cohesiveness of the community. But then I asked myself: "Is the community really to blame? Have I found any community out there that do not carry similar problems? Or am I just hopping around from place to place, in a hope that I'll find the perfect, flawless community to be in? In that case, why would I need to bring about any change then?"

I guess that shook me a little, and I've come to realize that there will ALWAYS be problems; and there's nothing I can do about that. What I CAN do, however, is to change the way I respond to it:

If there are problems, I don't pretend that they don't exist. I embrace them.

If everyone's waiting for someone else to make the first move, then I make the first move.

If no one takes the initiative, then I will take the initiative. 

If people think it isn't worth it, then I will show them that it is.

It doesn't matter if people think I'm a fool, or if people label me as 'simply enthusiastic'. This is because I know what my goals are, and this is my way of staying true to them. Here's why:

No matter how insignificant my efforts may seem, or how much people may not seem to care or appreciate my work, I know that all these discouragements are just a mere illusion. Because I know when I continue to serve and care, knowing that we all feel the same sense of being alone in our endeavours, deep down in each person, something will stir. Something will make them feel "hey, this guy is actually trying hard to bring people together for a good cause! Let's join in!" And this will go a long way because down the road, these same people will do the same thing as I did - to continue to work and serve because they see that somehow, they too will change someone else's heart, no matter how small the change.

As long as there is hope that people's hearts can change, there's is no better reason for me to keep pressing on doing what I do despite all the drawbacks. In fact, I can't help but feel a great sense of fulfillment when I see the young adults in the community getting to know each other better through a BBQ dinner or when someone mentions how much they enjoy the little times of random fellowship that we have together. It's simply awe-inspiring, how God takes our tiny, little effort and multiply it hundred-fold! 

In the midst of such optimism, I do not deny that I see the heart-wrenching reality of the situation. We're all going to get older and busier, and we won't be able to do the things that we are doing now. All these memories that we choose to create are the things remaining from the effort that we put in now. And I'll admit, my passion and energy will become limited in time to come. It's only a matter of time that I won't be able to do what I'm trying to do anymore. By that time, will I have gotten closer to my goal of truly bringing people together? How far will I be from my expectations? I shudder to imagine how I'd fare; which is why I'll keep running this race.

As long as I'm still breathing, I will spare no effort to make the best change I can make.

And I'll die with no regrets... but the sad truth behind my enthusiasm? Fear.

If you are still reading this, I thank you for your patience. Hopefully my story has somewhat inspired you if you've felt this way at a point in your life. Whatever you are doing or wherever you may be, don't ever stop doing what you believe in, especially if it's for the better of the people around you. Don't ever let the norm hinder your perseverance. Don't ever let your fear of judgment kill your passion. It will be worth it, trust me on that.

May the Lord bless you, O child of God.

Matt