Short Series: The Secret To Happiness

Hello there,

What if I told you the secret to happiness? 

Would you be interested? 

Why would you?

In today's day and age, there is much talk about finding happiness. You have self-help books telling you how to seek happiness. You have movies and stories encouraging you to chase after happiness, to pursue the things that make you happy. You hear about how "money cannot buy happiness" or  that "money buys you happiness, you just need to know how to spend it". 

Find happiness, chase it, obtain it. Happiness is out there, you just need to want it. After all, the purpose of life is to be happy!

What if I told you that there is no secret to happiness?

What if I told you that there is, however, a secret of happiness?

You see, happiness is often thought of an ends in itself. People think that happiness is the end that is finally waiting for you, after all your hard work and striving. The truth is, folks, you can't seek happiness - at least not your own. When you get what you want, you feel happy. However, when you see someone else get what they want or need, especially if its because of you, the immense happiness erupting from your very core is indelible. And guess what? The happiness you get from seeking the happiness of others far surpasses that of seeking your own happiness. 

I like to use the term 'joy' instead of 'happiness' because I find happiness to be more of a state, something that's temporal and circumstantial; but joy to be something that's sustaining, hardy and independent of circumstance. And that's really what we feel when we seek the joy of others: you could have having a terrible day but still experience joy when you help that fella get his wheelchair into the train. And when the joy is within you, what you're simply experiencing is enjoyment ("en" literally meaning 'within' and "joy" meaning 'great pleasure').

Here's the secret of happiness: 

You want to seek happiness? No you don't

It's joy you're seeking. Not your own but someone else's.

Cheers,

Matt

Short Series: Looking Back and Moving Forward

Retrospect is amazing. Often, we learn the most through looking back at our past experiences and reflecting upon them. We think about what we did, what we should have done instead, and how we should have done it better. Most of our lessons are learnt through retrospect, hence the phrase: "experience is the best teacher: it gives you the test first and delivers the lesson later". Therefore, cultivating a habit of reflection is arguably one of the most important aspects of growth.

Growth, however, cannot be sustained by mere retrospect alone. You simply cannot hope to improve simply by looking back and thinking of what you should have done. Our thoughts need to be put into action. This is where introspection comes into practice: We have to examine the state of our mind and then consider carefully what steps we should take next. This is where discipline and obedience comes in - while we don't know what the path ahead will present, we have to simply walk in the things we know, and in full integrity.

When we maintain the a balance of the two in our lives, we find progress; we find improvement; we find growth. This is true of spiritual growth: walk in faith obediently and faithfully, steadfast in the teachings of the Word; and when you blunder, reflect upon it, seek the mercy and grace from God and ask Him for the strength to move on. Above all, find delight and joy in doing the will of God. (Psalm 40:8)

God has an awesome and amazing plan for each of our lives, are you ready to starting living it out?

Cheers,

Matt

Short Series: Bigotry vs Dissimilarity

Hi all,

This is going to be the start of a series where I'll pen down certain thoughts and condense them into three short paragraphs (perhaps with a concluding liner). My goals are simple: to be succinct and to cultivate the habit of writing my thoughts down regularly.

Today's topic is as the title reads: Bigotry vs Dissimilarity. Let's explore!

Bigotry. That term carries with it a negative connotation for good reason. Bigotry is defined as the intolerance towards others holding different opinions. Usually, a person would have done something drastic or appalling, something driven by hatred and intolerance, to warrant the label of a bigot. For instance, a person who refuses to dine at the same table as someone of a race which he dislikes may be considered a bigot. Bigotry: it is stubborn; it is obstinate; it is hateful; it is borne out intolerance.

Tolerance, that is the next point. To be tolerant of someone or something does not mean you cannot say that that person or thing is wrong; in fact, a subject has to be wrong in first place for you to say: "It is wrong, but I shall tolerate it". Thus, tolerance is the act of accepting the difference in opinions and views, or accepting that something is not right. This brings me to dissimilarity: having a difference in opinion, views or stand. When we exhibit dissimilarity, regardless of entity or context, we are presented with the choice of either being tolerant or to discriminate upon the realization of our own disagreement.

As opposed to being a bigot, to be dissimilar can mean that you take an opposing stand but yet can be accepting and tolerant of the other party, treating them no differently than how you would treat someone otherwise. I may disapprove of gay marriages, for instance, but that doesn't mean I would necessarily jeer at a gay couple when I see one, or refuse to offer kindness to them. Dissimilarity with tolerance. That's not bigotry. It isn't the same thing. Therefore, you are free to disagree - on the condition that you can be tolerant. 

Bottom-line: Do not conflate standing against a view with standing against the person.

Cheers,

Matt

5 Truths of Life I Learnt on My 21st

Hey all! First post of 2016!

After having the biggest surprise yesterday for my 21st birthday, I've been overwhelmed by many thoughts. Some of these are thoughts of appreciation and feeling fortunate and blessed to be in the midst of a wonderful crowd of people - family and friends alike. Others are thoughts of contemplation and reflection: looking back at my life and realizing God's hand in every moment of it leading up to where I am now. 

For the former, I think I've said much already (in my trademark lengthy whatsapp messages) and I'm grateful for all of you whom I consider family. Thank you for making this birthday so special and meaningful. Each and every one of you are important and special to me.

As for the latter, I think I will pen them here in short, anecdotal form. Disclaimer: everything said here is from and only from my own experiences. So here we go:

5 Truths of Life I Learnt on My 21st

The path that I'd walk to where I am now wasn't an easy one. Wherever I went in life, be it in school or social groups, I never felt accepted nor did I feel belonged to anywhere. In fact, I had my fair share of betrayal, isolation and ostracizing; to which I used to feel bitter about. I suppose knowing pain allowed myself to relate to others who are in similar situations better, it somehow became part of me to reach out to people who felt out of place, alone, hurt, you name it. Perhaps it was because I was so adamant about reaching out to people and binding people together, that some friendships still remain and I guess, looking back, I did have some part to play in them. And what I realized is that when you live your life, placing all that's important to be the things of others, people come to value you as well. I think that's the beauty of human relationships: to be able to show love and to feel love.

Don't go about seeking love from others. Love others first, and you'll find love seeking you.

When I found a community that I finally feel belonged to, I found myself so in-adept at loving others. I realized how self-centered I could be, and how little I cared for others. I owe much of the growth in this area to the Word of God, for it is by the cross that I was taught to love. I was taught how denying myself could be so important to living for others. To live for someone else was to die to oneself, like a mustard seed dying so that it can grow into the mustard tree that gives shade and shelter to others. Of course, this is one of the toughest lessons to learn and it does not come without much suffering, pain, disillusionment and discouragement. However, the choice to learn to live for others is one that can lead to much growth.

I've yet to see a man grow from an easy experience. Inspired? Yes. Grow? No. It is in our lowest points that our character is molded.

In the journey of forging close relationships, there'll always be hurt, difference in expectations, disappointments, you name it. After all, when you're closer together like family, it's so much easier to step on one another's toes. That's probably why the people who hurt you most are the ones closest to you - you'd expect more from someone closer. I think that was what I struggled with. Through times of loneliness and disillusionment to how friends only 'come and go'; through times when I felt no one would be too bothered if I wasn't around anymore, I guess I've learnt to look beyond these feelings of doubt and obscurity and to embrace the difficulties of building a community, yet staying positive and hopeful of the relationships that are being built.

If you haven't been defeated, crushed, torn apart, discouraged, hurt, humiliated, misunderstood, or at least had a change of heart; then you haven't truly grown.

Through chats, cards, messages and kind words, I've learnt that people do appreciate my effort in building the community. I guess, however, there is a sad reason for that - which I have posted previously not too long ago. But hearing how the small things I do (which really isn't much) help to make the group livelier and comfortable or provide enjoyable avenues for fellowship pretty much give me the sense of fulfillment in the things I do. Whether it be hosting card/board games for others, making lame jokes at the dinner table, playing the fool in group settings or organizing something fun, I guess the love for making others feel belonged drives me to always want to do more. 

If you are building a community that is as big as yourself, you are not building a community.

Lastly, there are, indeed, times when I felt discouraged about my vision to build up the community. When things don't go the way I hope or nothing much that I do seems to be effective, I start to question the purpose that God has given me. "Is He really calling me to bring people together? Is that truly my God-given mission?" Honestly, till today, I am still contemplating this, and I've yet to be a hundred percent certain. I suppose from what others tell me and how I feel, I can at least say that it's something God has equipped me to do and its something that resonates with me. And I can't express enough how encouraged I am when I know that there are others who share the same vision as myself. Even more amazing, some of them have even been encouraged to do the same too! I'm sure of one thing:

Walk firmly in your God-given path. Even if you don't get to where you'd like to be, you'll have many others walking beside you.

That pretty much sums up the few important lessons I've learnt in my transition into adulthood. Though I can't boldly claim to be an adult myself yet (I still find myself lacking in many ways; plus, I like the term 'young adult' haha), I'm still in the process of learning and growing in God every day. I'm thankful that this journey, albeit rocky here and there, has given flavour to my world. I'm forever indebted to God and His grace for all that has happened and is happening in my life. I can only imagine and look forward to the brightest, most awesome community that is the Kingdom of Heaven!

Cheers,
Matt